Jamie's Petting Zoo Lyrics

i've had my pet since i was nine years old i loved him and fed him but one day he attacked i knew he didn't love me back so i grabbed him like a football and punted fifty yards now i hate pets take yourself to the vet now i hate pets dolphins trapped in little nets now i hate pets you little fucking screaming shit-bag i should of let your mother eat you, little fucker so i got a little birdy and i trained it everyday he knew 1000 words but then he flew away but then i got him back the fucker wouldn't shut his trap so i took him to the bathroom and rubbed his beak in shit now i hate pets spotted owls in their nests now i hate pets bagged a deer and made a vest now i hate pets birds and bees and bears and bison pigs and parrots and pandas i fucking hate them all!!! i was walking through the park when a snake peered from his hole a perfect opportunity to take the bastard home i chopped his fucking head off with my handy garden hoe and made a lovely hat-band for my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw! now i hate pets 10,000 volts to the chest now i hate pets fed my cat some cigarettes now i hate pets you little fucking screaming shit-bag bastard fuck you, you fucking pig-shit licker, fuck!!!!!!