Alice's Restaurant Lyrics

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`'`'`'`'`'`'`''`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'
		Alice's Restaurant
				by Arlo Guthrie
 
 
 
This song is called Alice's Restaurant and it's about Alice, and the
restaurant but Alices Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
it's the name of the song, and that's why I called this song Alice's
Restaurant.
 
	You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant.
	You can get anything you want at Alices Restaurant.
	Walk right in it's around the back.
	Just a half a mile from the railroad track.
	You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant.
 
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago it's on two years ago on
Thanksgiving when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
restaurant but Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the
church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray
and Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower since they took out
all the pews, they got a lot a room downstairs where the pews used to
be in and havin all that room, seen as they took out all the pews,they
decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long
time.
	We got up there found all the garbage, and we figured it'd be
a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump.
	So we took the half a ton of garbage and put it in the back of
a red VW microbus, took shovel's and rakes and implements of
destruction and headed on toward the city dump. Well we got there and
there was a big sign and a chain across saying closed on thanksgiving.
We'd never heard of a dump closed on thanksgiving before, and with
tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another
place to put the garbage.
	We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the
side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the
bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided
one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring
that one up we decided to throw our's down.
	That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a
thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't
get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer
Obie.  Said "Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a
half a ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any
information bout it". I said "Yes Sir Officer Obie, I cannot tell a
lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."
	After speaking to Obie for about fourty-five minutes on the
telephone we finally came to the truth of the matter and said that we
had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and
speak to him at the police officer's station, so we got in the red VW
microbus with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and
headed on to the police officer's station.
	Now friends,there was only one or two things Obie could a done
at the police station and the first was he could have given us a medal
for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very
likely,and we didn't expect it , and the other thing was he could have
bawled us out and told us never to be see driving garbage about the
vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the
police officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't
counted upon, and we was both imediately arrested, handcuffed, and I
said "Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these
handcuff on.". He said "Shutup kid. Get in the back of the patrol
car".
	And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and
drove to the quote 'Scene of the crime' unquote. I want tell you about
the town of StockBridge Massachusets where this is all happen here,
they got three stop signs,two police officers, and one police car, but
when we got to the 'Scene of the crime' there was five police officers
and three police cars , being the biggest crime of the last fifty
years, and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it.
And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment they had hanging
around the police officer's station.They was taking plastic tyre
track, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven
eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a
paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be
used in evidence against us .  They took picture's of the approach,
the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not
to mention the aerial photography.
 
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail, Obie said he was going to
put us in the cell said "Kid,I'm going to put you in the cell, I want
your wallet and your belt."  I said "Obie, I can understand you
wanting my wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell , but
why do you want my belt?"  and he said "Kid,we don't want any
hangings" I said "Obie , did you think I was goingto hang myself for
littering" Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause
he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and
drown, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars
throw out the roll of toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll
and have an escape.Obie was making sure, and it was about four or five
hours later that Alice, (remember Alice? This is a song about Alice),
Alice came by and with a few nasty words to Obie on the said , bailed
us out of jail,and we went back to the church, had a another
thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the
next morning, when we all had to go to court.
	We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven
eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a
paragraph on the back of each one, sat down.  Man came in said all
rise. We stood up, and Obie stood up with the twenty seven
eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures and the judge walked in sat down
with the seeing eye dog,and he sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at
the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour
glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.And then at twenty seven
eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a
paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, cause Obie had
cometo the realisation that this was a typical case of American blind
justice,and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the judge
wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
photographs with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of
each on explaining what each one was to be used in evidence against
us.  And we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow,
but thats not what I came to tell you about.
 
	Came to talk about the draft.
 
We got a building down New York City,it's called Whitehall street Were
you get injected, inspected, detected infected negleced and selected.
I went down and got my physical examination one day, and I walked in
sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my
best when I went in that morning.  Cause I wanted to look like the all
American kid from New York City, man I to feel like the , I wanted to
_be_ the all American kid from New York, and I walked in and I was
hungdown brungdown hungup and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things.
And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a pice of paper said
"Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604"
	I went up there said "Shrink, I want to kill, I wanna I wanna
kill.Kill. I wanna I wanna to see blood and gore and guts and veins in
my teeth.Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, kill,KILL,KILL."  and I
started jumpin up and down yelling KILL KILL, and he started jumpin up
and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling "KILL
KILL".And the sargent came over pinned a medal on me, sent me down the
hall, said "you're our boy".
 
	Didn't feel too good about it.
 
Proceded on down the hall gettin all sorts of injections, inspections,
detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to
me at the thing there, and I was there two hours, three hours, four
hours I was there for a long time going through all kind's of mean
nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there and they
was inspecting injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving
no part untouched.  Proceded through.  And when I finally came to the
see the last man,I walked in,walked in sat down after a whole big
thing there, I walked up and said 'what do you want' "Kid, we ony got
one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
	And I proceeded to tell him the story of Alices Restaurant
Massacre,with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like
that and suddenly he stoped me right there and said "Kid,did you ever
go to court?".
 
	I proceeded to tell him the storyof the twentyseven
eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and
the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stoped me right there
and said "Kid, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says
group W .... NOW kid!!".
 
And I walked over to the bench there ,and theres group W, which is
where they put you if you may not be _moral_ enough to join the army
after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean
nasty ugly looking people on the bench there.Mother Rapers. Father
Stabbers. Father Rapers!  Father Rapers sitting right there on the
bench next to me!  And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible
crime-type guys sitting bench next to me. And the meanest nastyest
uglyest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to
me and he was mean 'n' nasty 'n' ugly 'n' horrible and all kind of
things and he sat down next to me and said "Kid, what ya get?".  I
said "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the
garbage.".  He said "What were you arrested for?".  and I said
"Littering".  And they all moved away from me on the bench there,and a
hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said "And
creating a nusance.".  They all came back, shook my hand, and we had a
great time on the bench, talkin about crime,mother stabbing, father
raping all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench.And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds
of things, until the sargent came over, had some paper in his hand
said.
 
	"Kids,this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words
we-wanna-know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-then-every
kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-wanna
know-the-arresting-officer's-name-and-then-every-kind-of-thing-you
gotta-say", and talked for fourty-five minutes and nobody
understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the form
and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the
massacre with the four part harmony, wrote it down there, just like it
was, and I put down the pencil,and turned over the piece of paper, and
there there on the other side.
In the middle of the other side.
Away from everything else on the other side.
In parentheses.
Capital letters.
Quotated.
Read the following words :
   "Kid, have you rehabilitated yourself?"
 
 
	I went over to the the sargent said "Sargent,you got a lot a
damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean I'm
just sittin here, sittin on the group W bench cause you want to know
if I'm _moral_ enough join the army to burn women kids houses and
villages after bein a litterbug.".  He looked at me said "Kid,we don't
like your kind , and we're gonna send you fingerprints off to
Washington.".
	And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little
folder, is a study in black and white of my fingerprints.  And the
only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know
somebody in a similar situation, or _you_ may be in a similar
situation,and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing
you can do and that's walk into the shrink whereever you are ,just
walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Alice's
restaurant.".  And walk out.  You know,if one person, just one person
does it they may think he's really sick and won't take him.  And if
two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both
faggots and they won't take either of them.  And three people , three
, can you imagine, three people walking in sing a bar of Alice's
Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization.  And
can you imagine fifty people a day,I said fifty people a day walking
in sing a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out.  And friends they
may thinks it's a movement.
 
	And that's what it is , the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacre
Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it
come's around on the guitar.
 
	With feeling.
	So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
sing it when it does.  Here it comes.
 
 
		You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant.
		You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant.
		Walk right in it's around the back,
		Just a half a mile from the railroad track,
		You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant.
 
	That was horrible.  If you want to end war and stuff you got
to sing loud.
 
	I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I
could sing it for another twenty five minutes.  I'm not proud...
	... or tired.
 
	So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
harmony and feeling.
 
We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.
 
	All right now.
		You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
			"excepting Alice"
		You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
		Walk right in it's around the back,
		Just a half a mile from the railroad track,
		You can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant
		At Alice's Restaurant.